Burning Rings of Fire

Ahh, doughnuts... I realize that I wax hyperbolic about any number of treats in this forum (corn, cheesecake... oh, and pie, I suppose. Almighty king of cuisine that it is, after all.), but despite the fact that I have rather strong fondness for doughnuts as well, I've resisted attempting them for some time now. This is due to the very simple fact that making them from scratch scares me. There are few enough dishes that I'm unwilling to take on, and even fewer that I adore eating and still avoid, but doughnuts have resided at the top of that list since the idea first managed to lodge itself ever-so-gently in the back of my mind.

I have several reasons (or excuses, perhaps) for this irrational fear; after all, making home-fried doughnuts involves what would be considered a rather large amount of oil that burns like the fire of a thousand suns the moment it splatters onto my hand (as is, of course, inevitable when I do any amount of frying). Furthermore, I have trouble believing that I can surpass the culinary genius that I can experience firsthand in any donut shop for the meager price of ~$7 per dozen with any variety of sprinkles and glazes (not to mention fillings!). But perhaps first and foremost on my list of hangups with these doughy halos relates to the mass genocide of gassy little creatures that make all that is doughnut possible: yeast.

I've never worked with yeast in the past. It's one of those peculiar things that I read about, I understand (to some extent), and even have ready in my pantry--I simply never take that next step to start working with it. I suppose this is due in part to the fact that having never worked with these little bastards before, I really don't have a solid understanding of how to tell when things have gone wrong. With a steak, I can smell and see charring and know that I should reduce the heat. With brownies, I can see an overly-smooth batter and know that I'm going to be eating chocolate bread for a week. With chicken, I can just tell myself I'm going screw it up anyway so there's no sense worrying about it (at which point I make a quick trip to my local sandwich shop, hanging my head in shame. "Hi Shawn!" they'll say, "cooking chicken again, eh?" "Yeah..., just give me the usual.")

With yeast-dependent recipes, on the other hand, I know absolutely nothing, except that my recipe will never end up like the pictures I see online when I follow recipes stolen from others (hi Joy! I did try to warn you I'd be appropriating this one too!). And while I went into this experiment knowing that this was inevitable, I felt that it was time to conquer the fear. Glaring at my tiny packet of instant yeast, I ripped it open in one swipe, determined that I would be ruled by my emotions no longer.

... Naturally, my first opening attempt was a little overly-vigorous and I emerged coated in a fine layer of my would-be enemy. Grabbing a second packet and resolving to be on the lookout for more such trickery in the future, I set to work.

Yeast-Risen Doughnuts
(as "adapted" from Joy the Baker)

Ingredients
1 Package of instant-rise yeast
3 1/4c Flour
1c Milk
1/4c Room-temperature butter
3 Egg yolks
4tbsp Sugar
1tsp Salt
1/2tsp Cinnamon
1/2tsp Nutmeg*
1/2tsp Ginger*
1qt Vegetable oil

*I took some creative liberties with the flavorings, but as you'll see later, it really didn't make a difference.

Procedure
1) In a mixer bowl, mix the flour, yeast, sugar, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, until well blended. Note that since I'm using instant-rise yeast, it will theoretically work without giving it a soak in warm water. Subsequent experiments have shown me that while this is true, the rise is much faster if you give it a bath anyway. Tempermental bastards, no?

2) Once the ingredients are homogenized, add the milk, butter, and egg yolks and mix with a dough hook attachment until the mess comes together. Continue mixing at medium speed for ~5 minutes.

3) At this point, you are left with a highly attractive looking lump of dough:

Look at 'em... you know they're up to something...

4) Sprinkle the surface somewhat liberally with flour and cover the bowl with a towel. Set it in a reasonably warm place to start rising (I found that the top of the fridge worked perfectly) and leave it there for about 2-3 hours, or until it has approximately doubled in volume.

5) Sprinkle a countertop with a dusting of flour and turn your engorged yeast lump out onto it. Gently spread it with your hands into a rough circle.

6) Use a rolling pin to roll the circle into a larger circle until it is between 1/4 and 1/2 of an inch thick.

7) Using a pastry ring (or biscuit cutter, or ... um... a tin can or something), cut out doughnut-sized rounds. Use a smaller ring to cut out the holes.

I'm not sure how one would cut holes when using a can, but I trust you can figure something out.

8) Re-roll the dough as desired to get more doughnuts. It's worth noting that the second and third rollings will not be as light as the first batch unless the dough is given more time to rest. Since I'm impatient, I just cut them all at once and said to hell with it.

9) Set the freshly cut doughnuts (and holes!) on a lightly floured baking sheet to rest for about 30 minutes. Coincidentally, this gives you just enough time to start heating your oil in a large heavy pot or skillet. Be sure it reaches at least 350F (or ripples lightly when left standing still) before attempting to start frying.

10) After the oil has come to temperature, carefully drop the doughnuts into the oil, one at a time. Do not attempt to fry more than 3 at once or the oil temperature could drop lower than we want and create soggy doughnuts.

They start browning rather quickly. Be sure to watch them carefully.

11) After about 2-3 minutes, flip the doughnuts with a slotted spoon (or, even better, chopsticks!) and allow to fry on the other side for another 2 minutes.

It's rather easy to tell when they're done... they should really be doughnut-colored.

12) Remove the doughnuts using the same spoon or chopsticks and place them on a wire rack to drain and cool. Repeat steps 10 and 11 with the remaining doughnuts and holes.

13) Glaze with whatever you desire; I'd make recommendations, but I wasn't entirely pleased with how my glaze turned out. I'd recommend finding a recipe that sounds intriguing for that aspect and steal it from there instead. (I used the one from Joy, as borrowed from Alton Brown; it was tasty, but came out very runny and never really firmed up as much as I'd have liked.)

You can see right through the chocolate coating in this version.

This is after I refrigerated the glaze for ~20 minutes and re-dipped the doughnuts. Much better, but still too soft to the touch.

Lessons Learned
Emerging from my epic battle only slightly scathed (damn that oil!), I discovered that the fear had vanished in the surge of triumph. I had destroyed my enemy in classic fashion, allowing no survivors and only slight casualties as a consequence. Still, the yeast had the last laugh; my doughnuts tasted exactly like a loaf of bread, and only the glaze had any chance of changing this. Heavy doses of chocolate and peanut butter calmed the yeast's overpowering taste, but I could hear the bastards laughing all the way down. Next time, I'm making chemically-leavened doughnuts, and to hell with these damn microorganisms. I'll save them for breads and pizza.

The Brownies that Weren't

Before I get started on this post, I feel I must mention that it's been a while since I actually created this recipe; in fact, I've managed to put off writing about it for the better part of three weeks thanks to a sizeable backlog that I managed to compile around labor day (as you've no doubt noticed). That being the case, I can barely remember how I put the recipe together, which is all the more unfortunate since it was a semi-original creation, and thus I don't have a recipe waiting in the ranks for me to reference. As such, I'll be working from my memory, which has been eroded by a steady diet of junk food and wine for the past several weekends. Who knows? Perhaps my memory will improve the results!

Due to a spontaneous lack of cocoa powder in my pantry, I was stymied when I felt like baking something familiar (like brownies, for example). Never being one to let adversity get me down, I decided that if I couldn't have chocolate brownies, I'd have peanut butter brownies instead. ... Er, blondies, I guess. Whatever they're called, I felt that if I had a brownie recipe and I had peanut butter, I could simply remove the chocolate, make some creative substitutions, and voila! Perfect blondies would result! As some might guess, this isn't entirely how things unfolded... (then again, the picture at the top looks good, right?)

Peanut Butter Blondies
(As adapted from my previous brownies recipe)

Ingredients
1/2tsp baking powder
1/3c butter, melted
1/3c peanut butter
1/2c cold milk
2c white sugar
2 eggs
2c all-purpose flour*
1tsp vanilla extract
1/4tsp salt

* Those familiar with my brownies may note that this is way more flour than usual. From my vague recollections, I decided to balance out the lack of cocoa powder with an increase in flour. I'm not entirely sure this is the ratio I used, but we'll go with it.

Preheat oven to 375F

Procedure
1) Mix all the dry ingredients (except the sugar!) in a large bowl with a whisk until well mixed.

Ok, I used a fork. Like it made a difference.

2) In a stand mixer (or another large bowl with a whisk), mix the eggs until lightened and aerated, as shown below:

They hardly look like eggs anymore...

3) While the eggs are mixing, attempt to mix the peanut butter with the melted butter. This step helps soften the peanut butter to a pourable consistency. Of course, the peanut butter doesn't always cooperate, especially when it's organic crap bought from Coscto that you're frantically trying to finish up so that you can never ever use it again. ... Just saying.

Stupid organic junk...

4) Slowly add the sugar to the egg mixture and allow to mix until combined.

It's worth noting that substituting 1c of brown sugar for 1c of white sugar in this recipe can make for added moisture in the end result; I might actually recommend this for future batches.

5) Add the butter/peanut butter mixture to the mixer and wait until combined.

6) Slowly add in the dry ingredients with the mixer on its lowest setting. Note that this step is saved for last because this is where gluten is introduced, which means that mixing time now makes the difference between peanut butter-flavored bread and peanut-butter flavored awesome. Mix only until the dry vanishes from the surface; better to have a few unmixed lumps than to have rubbery blondies.

I spout forth all this advice about gluten, but would you care to guess whether I remembered all this at the time?

7) Pour the mixture into a greased 9x9 pan and smooth out the top.

I actually used a 9x13, as I was making a double batch.

8) Bake at 375F for approximately 35-40 minutes, or until it looks like this:

Since mine was a double batch, I had to guess when they were done. I think it worked out all right.

9) Slice and serve as needed.

Lessons Learned
This was a great learning recipe, perhaps most particularly because I was mostly making it up as I went. That said, due to my mishap with my gluten mixing, my blondes were indeed more peanut butter bread than anything else. Still tasty, but the peanut butter was not strong enough (god I hate that organic junk), so next time around I'd omit butter entirely and substitute all peanut butter (e.g., 2/3c peanut butter). Another enhancement that occurred to me later on would be adding chocolate chips to the batch somewhere around step 6 above; chocolate is always friendly with peanut butter, and it could also add an interesting textural contrast. Nuts might also be acceptable.

Stacking Up the Week

You know there's enough cheese when there's a nice coat of oil on the top.

As of late, I actually haven't felt like experimenting with any new recipes; my drive for the unknown seems to have stalled due to a lack of energy and money. Unfortunately, my appetite doesn't always follow these lulls in my creative endeavors, and thus I am forced to create vast quantities of old standbys to last me through weeks of meals at a time, at least until my spare time catches up with my ever-expanding list of stuff to make (such as a frozen yogurt recipe that I've been informed I'm attempting). Enter: lasagna.

Pasta is an unquestionably uber dish if for no other reason that for about $1, one can buy enough of it to last an entire week, utilizing whatever appears to be lying around the house to supplement it. While lasagna doesn't represent the pinnacle of pasta's flexibility, it does represent the blessed union of two culinary greats: meat and cheese. And my version of it uses lots of both. Of course, the best part of this recipe was simply that aside from the noodles, I had all the other ingredients on hand and waiting to be united in harmony just in time to be chilled or frozen to take the dish to that next culinary level that is leftovers, which pasta lends itself to even better than most things.

But my ramblings aside, I present the recipe itself. As always, it didn't turn out exactly as I would've hoped, but I still ate every last bit of it (and it only took a week!).

Lasagna
(as adapted from my mom's recipe, designed for a 9x13 pan)

Ingredients
1 Package of Lasagna noodles
1lb Mozzarella cheese, shredded
1lb Cheddar cheese, shredded
2lb Ground meat*
2 Medium yellow onions
6 Cloves garlic
1 32oz Jar of tomato sauce
1 12oz Can of tomato paste
Parmesean as desired

*Any type of ground meat can be used, of course; my mom always used ground turkey. In this instance, I used 1lb ground beef and 1lb pork sausage, as they were both cheap.

Preheat oven to 350F.

Procedure
1) Gather all your ingredients into one compact location, preferably with a large cutting board and knife at hand.

Ok, you may have to move the ingredients aside to actually do any cutting...

2) Start a large pot of salted water to boil.

3) Mince the garlic and dice the onions. Their respective consistencies can vary according to your individual taste or how lazy you're feeling when chopping.

4) Heat a medium-large saucepan over medium heat and add the ground meat. After it has started to brown, add the onion and garlic.

Use a spatula to try and spread the meat around for even done-ness.

5) At this point, your water should be boiling, so add the noodles and stir to ensure they get completely submerged.

6) Cook the meat until the onion is translucent and the meat has become entirely brown.

7) After the desired color has been reached, remove the saucepan from the heat and drain off the excess fat. Stir in the tomato sauce and paste and set the aside for now.

8) When the noodles have reached the desired consistency (they don't have to be completely done yet, as we're baking them in a sauce anyway), drain them into a collander and allow to air out for a bit.

9) In the 9x13 pan, spoon a light coating of the sauce onto the bottom of the pan. This step prevents sticking.

10) Layer some of the noodles over the sauce; note that you don't want them too thick, so just use a single layer. Then cover the layer with more sauce.

You can see from my sauce that I was particularly lazy when dicing the garlic!

11) Add a layer of mozzarella and cheddar on top of the sauce. Don't skimp now! If desired, add parmesean to the mix as well.

12) Repeat steps 10 and 11 until the pan is full. Be sure to save the thickest coat of cheese for the top.

I only managed two layers of noodles, it appears. Next time I'll have to use a roasting pan.

13) Bake at 350F for about 30 minutes, or until heated all the way through and the cheese has melted.

Lessons Learned
I've made this fairly frequently in the past, so there wasn't a lot of experimentation here. However, completely forgot to add any herbs to the sauce; normally I'd add basil and oregano after it has finished cooking. I also added salt to the meat out of habit, since just about every recipe calls for salt at some point or another. Resist this urge! The cheese adds plenty of saltiness, especially if ample parmesean has been used. Plus, more cheese can always be added afterwards.